"Infertility was not something I ever thought I would have to go through. I pictured my life since I was a young girl being happily married and having at least 3 children. I imagined how easy and blissful it would be. That the moment conceiving a child would be magical and perfect. Well what I imagined, and my reality, are complete opposites. Our journey of TTC started in the beginning of 2019. We tried naturally for 2 years before seeking help from a specialist in December of 2020, when we were told we had a slim to none chance of conceiving on our own. We started treatments for IVF right away as we were anxious and in a hurry to get pregnant. To our surprise, IVF is not as simple as we imagined. It doesn’t guarantee a baby, and it is full of surprises. Our first egg retrieval we ended up with 2 embryos we sent off for testing and came back mosaic.
We were devastated, but we weren’t giving up. Next we did another egg retrieval and got 5 embryos after some adjustments to our protocol, and sent them off for testing. Only 1 came back normal. Devastated again, but hopeful for the 1 we did have. Our FET failed and our embryo didn’t stick around. At this point we dealt heartbroken and like giving up. That’s when we leaned on each other and our marriage got stronger. When things get hard, it is easy to get mad at one another, place blame, or take out emotions on each other. It takes strength to really be open and communicate with one another, be vulnerable and open, use this journey to grow as a couple, as an individual. This journey has been tough, and it is far from over, but I have learned to be thankful for it. I am thankful for it bringing my husband and I closer and for it changing me into a stronger woman with a better mindset than I had before.
I have learned how to cope with the emotions by reaching out and leaning on others, being a part of the infertility community, diving deeper into my beliefs, self care, enjoying life’s adventures, journaling to express myself and not hold it all in, and finding something new each day to be grateful for. Are there days where I am both mentally and physically exhausted? Yes. There are days I feel like giving up, that I feel bad for myself and question what I did to deserve this. Where I went wrong in life, and that is all normal. It is okay to not be okay. Advocate for yourself, express how you are feeling to friends and family so they can be there for support, and hold onto hope. Our journey is far from over and we will continue to be open and honest along the way, sharing our journey to help others struggling with infertility as well. "
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